THE TRUTH???

The truth about truth is: Many only want it when it's convenient. Is it then still truth? When is it okay to lie or hide the truth? Really, think about it. I was raised on lies: Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth fairy. It was started it, now how do I carry this through life? Well, as an adult you're expected to be truthful. Reality...most people can't handle the truth. What most people I've met have rather than truth is belief. When we hear something over and over again we're programmed to believe it. As a child I didn't question it or have any reason to mistrust what I was told. I also grew up with, "because I said so." So what does that look like in adulthood. Secrets, lies, dishonesty. This is observable behavior, so when your children lie mirror yourself.  Where did it start? Maybe with those who have lied to them throughout their childhood. Maybe learned behavior from those they trusted. Maybe you.

The truth can be beautiful and reassuring. The truth can also be ugly and hurtful. We use something call tact to spare people's feelings or to be kind. Some just don't lend the truth to not make waves and others may lie. There are also those we say don't bite their tongue. I have more respect for those people than those who sugar coat and put sprinkles on lies and call it truth. I wonder what life is like for the child who was never lied to by anyone. The child who grew into a well informed adolescent,  young adult and adult. I imagine it's frustrating sifting through all the stuff that people say and do. Rarely ever coming into contact with another with the same upbringing as you. Wisdom then becomes a secret. Don't tell little Joe that there's no Santa, he still believes. So there you are finally with the truth and have been sworn to secrecy by the lies who created you or that love you.

Has nobody questioned this? Has anyone thought of the monster you're creating with lies. I didn't and so the endless cycle continues from generation to generation. How about stories? I think they could work. Stories give us wonder, surprise and lots of questions. Stories and the choice to believe or not to me is still better than a lie. Stories are what set many of us on our life path to find out more about who we are, and what our purpose is. Stories, choices and life experiences. What is true for one person may not be true for another. This is where respect comes in. You don't have to agree with or like what someone else does or says, but a healthy understanding of human nature may help to put things into perspective.

We could learn from the past if we have a truthful account of what actually occured, how it was resolved for that time, but we need to be present in our own existence. Present right now. I'm still a little uneasy about Pluto. My generation grew up believing it was a planet and later told it wasn't. Science is not exact, but then neither is truth. My belief fills me with knowledge that there are things happening to us and around us that many are unaware of. Am I wrong to use my intuition? I no longer feel the need to be right, so difference of thought based on one's own perception comes into question because of programming. Is there no end to the insanity?

Do we as human, hybrid or multidimensional beings (yes I went there), have the right to know the truth? I say yes knowing exactly what that means. For example: How does not knowing where my food comes from protect my health? Or yours. Maybe heath is not on your top 10 list of values, mentally, physically, spiritually or otherwise.  Do you have children? Have you ever taken them to an apple orchid to pick apples or a pumpkin patch to pick the perfect pumpkin?  How about a botanical garden? They can eat the apples, make cider or pie,eat pumpkin seeds or make pumpkin pie. Maybe they smelled the sweet floral fragrance of the garden or the smell of earth's soil. Now think about that life experience a moment. Let the beauty of it sink in. ☺ ahhh. Now have you ever taken you children or sent them on a field trip or with family to a petting zoo to make nice with the animal kingdom? Maybe they saw the monkeys vomit and eat it, or the elephants take a huge dump and they gave their expression of ewe or yuk or just laughed their little hearts out? Now have you ever taken your children to a slaughter house? And food processing plant? No? Isn't this as true as the apples that grow on trees, just in a primal form. Those chickens they fed and chick's they pet and the goats and cows with their large eyes that met the eyes of your children is what's for dinner. Choices can be made when they are given. This was taken from me, and I in turn took it from my son. Was this honest? I took away his free will and fed him what I was programmed to believe was good for him. It's what I knew so, I have no guilt about it. When you become informed you may choose to unsee what you saw or you may make another choice to save a life or the lives of other sentient beings. Either way it's your choice.

I don't see this as right or wrong, I see it as life experience and part of why we are here. I have no opinions about what anyone consumes. I learned what works for me and my body and I choose accordingly. Choices should not dictate how we relate with one another. Guess what? it does everyday unfortunately and prevents many people from connecting. I don't see in color, I see in character. I choose to be and do what I do and respect others choices. What I do now is a culmination of collective information and just life experience. There are laws in place that govern the country. I live by the laws of the universe. I don't make waves and I don't blame others for my choices. This is my perception of truth in part but not in its entirety. That would be the book. What are your feelings on truth?

I RUN

I RUN BUT I'M NOT A RUNNER. I STARTED WITH SPEED WALKING, FOUND OUT I LOVE HIKING. I RAN MY FIRST 5K IN AUGUST 2014 AND STOPPED. NOT EVEN SURE WHY, BUT I FOUND SOMETHING THAT EXCITED ME ABOUT RUNNING. NOT ONLY IS IT GREAT CARDIO THAT BURNS MEGA CALIRIES, BUT ITS A REAL CHALLENGE AND I LOVE A CHALLENGE.

IN SEPTEMBER, I STARTED WORKING OUT. I ALSO BE CAME A TEAM BEACHBODY COACH. I FIGURED THE BEST WAY TO SHARE THIS WITH EVERYONE IS TO LET THEM SEE THE CHANGES IN ME THEN THEY'D KNOW THAT THE PRODUCTS AND NUTRITION PLANS WORK. I COMPLETED MY LAST  WORKOUT OF A 10 WEEK PROGRAM MID NOVEMBER. I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH SUCCESS WITH PACKING MY CHALLENGE GROUPS SO I STARTED WITH A FREE FIT CLUB. OF 9 PEOPLE INCLUDED ME ONLY 3 OR 4 PARTICIPATED IN THE ONLINE CHATS WITH HEALTH TIPS RECIPES AND WHAT THE DID TO MOVE THEIR BODY THAT WEEK. 

I NEXT CREATED A FREE CHALLENGE GROUPS FOR RUNNERS. I SELECTED 5 PEOPLE I LOOK UP TO ATHELETICALLY AND PROFESSIONALLY AND FROM THEIR RESPONSE, I KNEW THIS COULD WORK.  AFTER HEARING ABOUT SEVERAL EXCERCISE MINUTE GROUP AND RUN GROUPS FROM MY FELLOW COACH ON A CONFERENCE CALL AN IDEA WAS BORN. IT WORKS WELL BECAUSE MOST OF THE PEOPLE I INVITED ARE ALREADY RUNNERS. SO THE 120 MILES IN 60 DAYS CHALLENGE BEGAN ON NOVEMBER 2ND A RUNS UNTIL JANUARY 2ND. 3+ PEOPLE HAVE POSTED ONLINE, TWO ARE TRACKING OFFLINE AND 3 HAVE NOT STARTED. THIS IS GOOD BECAUSE THOSE POSTING ARE INSPIRING OTHERS AND ME TO GET IT DONE. EVERYONE WINS BECAUSE THIS LEADS TO A MORE ACTIVE LIFESTYLE.

IT'S A WAY TO KEEP PEOPLE MOVING BEFORE AND DURING THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME OF YEAR FOR MAINTAINING WEIGHT LOSS: THE HOLIDAY SEASON. SO THE CHALLENGERS WILL  RUN THROUGH THE 1ST OF THE YEAR. IT'S NOWNEAR THE END OF NOVEMBER. I AM STILL NOT IN LOVE WITH RUNNING BUT I DO HAVE A GOAL: ACQUIRING AND MAINTAINING A 13 MINUTE MILE 2/5K RACES AND A 10K.

ELECTRIC RUN, WAS MY FIRST, NOT SURE IF THAT ONE CAN BE TOPPED. MAYBE IF I PLAY MY OWN MUSIC OR INSPIRATIONAL AUDIO,  IT MAKES IT FAR MORE INTERESTING. FOR THE TIME, MY TREADMILL IS GETTING WORKED OUT BUT I'M TAKING THIS RUN ON THE ROAD. WITH EACH RUN IM CUTTING MY TIME BY 1-1.5 MIN. EVEN THOUGH I'M WAY BEHIND, I'M STILL GOING I WILL RUN 120 MILES, THE CHALLENGE IS IT GET IT DONE IN THE TIME I HAVE LEFT.

NOT CRAZY ABOUT THE SWEAT, BUT CRAZY ABOUT WHAT ITS DOING FOR MY BODY.  I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE ZONE. WHEN I DO, I IMAGINE I'LL RUN FOR LIFE IF ITS SOMETHING I ENJOY. IT'S AWESOME TO RUN FOR A CAUSE, FOR FUN OR FOR MY HEALTH. THE ONE THING THAT BOTHERS ME IS THAT EVEN WITH THE CHALLENGE I STILL RUN ALONE. I'M SURE I DON'T HAVE TO, BUT I CHOOSE TO. ONE BEING: MOST PEOPLE WANT TO CHILL RATHER THAN BUILD STRENGTH AND ENDURANCE THROUGH RUNNING, THE OTHER IS MATCHING UP SCHEDULES AND LOCATIONS.

THERE ARE RUNNERS I ADMIRE AND GET ADVICE FROM AND THESE PEOPLE INSPIRE ME. MY HEALTH STANDARD HAVE CHANGED THIS YEAR AND I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT IT THAT I WANT OTHERS TO JOIN ME IN HELPING OTHERS TO GET HEALTHY. HMM NICE THOUGHT. I ENJOY MY OWN COMPANY AND WHAT I'M LEARNING WILL HELP THOSE WHO NEED MOTIVATION TO IMPROVE THEIR HEALTH. IT REALLY HELPS TO SPEND TIME WITH THOSE WHO HAVE COMMON INTERESTS. 

A PLACE CALLED SCRATCH

THREE WEEKS AGO, I FOUND SOMETHING THAT WAS INTENDED FOR ME. IT WAS SHORTLY AFTER A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE CONFRONTATION AND VERY IMMEDIATE. IN MY MIND, WHICH MOMENTARILY SHUT DOWN, I WAS THINKING... WHO ON TERRA MAKES A LIFE ALTERING DECISION WHILE MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE. I'LL TELL YOU. SOMEONE WHOSE EMOTIONS ARE HIGH, ARE FUELED BY FRUSTRATION. THERE I WAS FULL OF MYSELF, EGO TOOK A FIGURATIVE PUNCH TO THE GUT AND AN UPPERCUT TO THE JAW AND THERE I WAS DUMBFOUNDED, CONFUSED AND YET FELT A LITTLE LIBERATED. MY EGO DIED WHAT WAS THIS? I WALKED AROUND AS IF THIS HASN'T HAPPENED, BUT IN THE BACK OF MIND WONDERING WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE. AN END OF AN ERA WAS APPROACHING AND I HAD TO PREPARE. 

ONE WEEK LATER, AFTER A WEEK OF SILENCE, THE TALK CAME AND THE WORDS WERE  SURREAL AND I COULDN'T TELL IF I WAS HAVING A NIGHTMARE OR IF REALITY WAS REARING ITS UGLY HEAD. IT WAS REAL AND I KNEW IT WAS COMING. I DIDN'T NEED OR WANT AN EXPLANATION, I DIDN'T HAVE A REACTION. I WAS NUMB.AS HORRIBLE AS THIS WAS IT SENT ME INTO ACTION. DAY ONE WAS THE BLOW, DAY TWO I WAS MAKING INQUIRIES AND PREPARING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT LIFE WOULD LOOK LIKE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS HELL, WHOSE POT I ENDED UP IN. BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER I JUST WANT TO NOTE THAT WHAT WE THINK ABOUT WE BRING ABOUT SO YES THERE IS AN UNDERLYING CAUSE AND EFFECT PATTERN HERE BUT THIS WAS A THOUGHT I HAD A YEAR AGO. THE PLACE I THOUGHT I WAS IN NOW WAS IMPROVED OR AT LEAST THATS WHAT EGO WANTED ME TO BELIEVE. 

HOW WRONG WAS I? DAY TWO I HAD MY FIRST BREAKDOWN, OVERWHELMED WITH MAINTAINING COMMUNICATION WITH WORK AND OUR SON WHO WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM. AFTER A VERY CIVIL AND YET ERIE CONVERSATION, I LEFT THE HOUSE FOR A DRIVE. THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE I FELT COMFORTED. IN MY CAR, DRIVING, YET WHAT HAPPENED NEXT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD. I LET OUT THE MOST GUT CRUNCHING, BONE CURDLING SCREAM AND THE PAIN WAS UNBEARABLE. I FELT LIKE I WAS DYING. I DON'T BELIEVED I HAD FELT THIS WAY SINCE THE DEATH OF MY GRANDMOTHER AND I KNEW I WAS IN TROUBLE. IN CRISIS AND I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO REACH OUT FOR HELP IN THIS STATE OF BEING. I FELT SO ALONE AND KNEW AT THIS POINT DEPRESSION: 2 POINTS, ME: GOOSE EGG. THIS JUST GOT REAL. 

ON DAY THREE I NOTIFIED MY PROFESSOR THAT I WOULDN'T BE THERE, I CALLED OFF FROM WORK, MY DAY... I EXPERIENCED A BRADY BUNCH MOMENT. WTF!!! IS THIS FOR REAL RIGHT NOW?  DINNER? CONVERSATION? BEING KIND? WHAT KIND OF EVIL IS THIS. CIVIL IS CIVIL BUT THIS IS JUST PLAIN TORTURE. ALL THE THINGS I WANTED FOR THE LAST 17 YEARS I'M GETTING NOW, AT THE END. WHAT IS THIS? MY LIGHTS WENT OUT, MY SOUL WAS LOST AND I WAS SHUT DOWN. MY FRIENDLY FACEBOOK POSTS HAD A F/U TONE TO IT, SO I STOPPED FOR A BIT. DAY FOUR AFTER AN EVENING OF NICETIES, I RETREATED TO MY OFFICE WHERE I HAD PACKED SOME THINGS. HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WAS GOING OR WHEN. NO HURRY, BUT I KNEW I COULDN'T LIVE IN THE PLACE I CALLED HOME.  BREAKING DOWN WAS BECOMING A DAILY DO.THE PAIN WAS OVERWHELMING, TAKING OVER MY LIFE AND FESTERING THE UNTHINKABLE. DAYS FOUR AND FIVE WITH WORK BEING 3 HOURS EARLY WAS A RED FLAG. I WAS HAVING NEUROLOGICAL ISSUES OR SO IT SEEMED. SHAKING AND MY HEAD MAKING UNCONTROLLED MOVEMENTS MOTIONING NO WHILE SPEAKING YES, POINTING TO THE LEFT AND HAVING MY ARM IN THE DIRECTION OF THE RIGHT. NORMAL TASKS WERE NOT WHAT THEY FELT LIKE. I HAD TO GET A HOLD OF MYSELF, OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING. 

I WENT ABOUT THE BUSINESS OF CHECKING MY CREDIT REPORT TO SEE WHAT I NEED TO DO THERE, I CALLED SOMEONE I RESPECT AND TRUSTED HER WITH WHAT WAS GOING ON AND TO LET HER KNOW I WOULDN'T BE VISITING THAT WEEKEND, I SENT A TEXT TO A FRIEND THAT I ASKED TO CHECK UP ON ME IF I GET A LITTLE WEIRD AND I THREW MYSELF INTO NEW BEGINNINGS MODE. DISCUSSIONS OF DIVISION OF PROPERTY AND LIVING ARRANGEMENTS HAPPENED DURING THIS TIME AND I WAS ABSOLUTELY NUMB, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GET OFF THIS MERRY-GO-ROUND, BUT TO JUST RIDE IT OUT. MAYBE THIS NEEDED TO HAPPEN, MAYBE IT WAS SO FRIGHTENING BECAUSE I NEVER TRULY SAW AN END TO IT ALL. I WAS LOSING A PARTNER AND A FRIEND. LOVE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE, BUT SOMEWHERE, I THINK IT DID. I HAD BECOME MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH MONEY IN THIS ONE WEEK THAN I HAD IN THREE DECADES. I FELT LIKE A GROWN UP. RADICAL CHANGES WERE TAKING PLACE, YET I COULDN'T GET A HOLD OF MY EMOTIONS. THE ENERGY SURROUNDING MY COUCH HAD BECOME NEGATIVE AND I WAS DROWNING IN IT. IT WAS NOT A GOOD NIGHT. WHILE THEY WERE SLEEPING, I WAS DYING INSIDE. I WANTED THE PAIN TO GO AWAY.

THIS WAS THE PART WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL SOMEONE. I'M IN CRISIS, I'M NOT GOING TO SEE DAYLIGHT OR THE PEOPLE I LOVE AGAIN. I DIDN'T MAKE THE CALL, NO LETTER, NO INTENTION BUT AN OVERWHELMING SENSE OF EASE. THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM.  I WASN'T THINKING OF ANYONE EXCEPT MY SON AND THAT IS WHY I LIVE AND BREATHE. I MADE THE PAIN ON THE INSIDE GO AWAY BY CAUSING PAIN ON THE OUTSIDE. I WAS BEING A COWARD, I WAS BEING AN ADOLESCENT AND I UNDERSTOOD IN THESE MOMENTS JUST HOW SERIOUS DEPRESSION IS WHEN UNCHECKED. I DON'T BELIEVED THAT MY SOUL WAS ON BOARD WITH ANY OF THIS. SOMETHING I CAN NEVER UNDO OR EVER FORGET. I DESTROYED MY TEMPLE AND PLEADED WITH GOD TO HEAL ME, TO FORGIVE MY WEAKNESS OF FAITH, TO TURN MY PAIN INTO WHAT I NEEDED TO MOVE FORWARD AND THEN I CLOSED MY EYES. HOW THEN DO I SEE THIS WEEK AS THE BEST AND WORST OF ME. I SNAPPED OUT OF IT, LEFT THE PITY PARTY AND BEGAN THE HEALING. PLUS MY SON NEEDED A RIDE TO SCHOOL THAT MORNING. I HAD TO HIDE WHERE I HAD GONE IN MY MOMENT OF WEAKNESS. 

JUST BEFORE WEEK THREE ANOTHER THING HAPPENED. I STARTED TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE CHANGES THAT WILL BE HAPPENING INSTEAD OF LOOKING FOR A PLACE AND A GOOD DAY TO CHECK OUT.  I WAS BECOMING RENEWED. THE ENERGY IN THE HOUSE CLEARED UP, I WAS FUNCTIONING THE BEST WAY I COULD. THE PAIN WAS IN A BOX I HAD TUCKED AWAY IN A SAFE PLACE UNTIL I WAS READY TO DEAL WITH IT. LIMBO WAS LIFTING. AND I WAS GETTING STRONGER. SELF DOUBT WAS LAST WEEKS STORY AND I FOUND A PLACE CLOSE TO WORK TO BRING OUT MY CREATIVE NATURE. A NEW BEGINNING, I WAS SMILING AGAIN. PLEASE DON'T MISTAKE THIS FOR HEALTH. THIS WAS AS DYSFUNCTIONAL AS IT GET. I NEVER REACHED OUT TO MY MOTHER, MY SISTER, MY FAMILY OR EXTENDED FAMILY. I DID WHAT I KNEW, WHICH WAS TO COPE AND MOVE ON. BAD MOVE/GOOD MOVE WHO KNOWS. THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE SHOWED ME WHAT WAS IMPORTANT. HOW TO LEARN TO BE A BETTER COMMUNICATOR, HOW TO ASK FOR HELP WHEN I NEED IT AND HOW TO SHARE MY EMOTIONS AND FEELING WITH THE SOURCE FROM WHICH ALL THIS WAS RELEASED TO BEGIN WITH. MOST IMPORTANTLY HOW TO MOVE THROUGH EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES.

NOW I'M STILL. NO PAPERS TO SIGN, THREE PROSPECTIVE PROPERTIES ON HOLD, A RENEWAL OF HOPE, THE DESIRE TO MAKE NEW MEMORIES WITH RATHER THAN WITHOUT. SELF-CARE IS IN ORDER. I'M MORE ORGANIZED AND FOCUSED ON THE IMPORTANCE OF STRENGTHENING THE FAMILY BOND RATHER THAN ALLOWING IT TO DISINTEGRATE. THE RESULT: READING A FB POST THAT MY SON IS HAPPY AND HE WAS SMILING AND MY HEART EXPANDED AND HEALED AND RADIATING LOVE. HEARING THAT OUR LIFE AS A FAMILY IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR AND HAVING MY SOUL AGREE WITH THIS RENEWAL. SO WE ARE STARTING FROM SCRATCH. NOT APART, BUT AS A UNIT. WE HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO AND HAVE FOUND MIDDLE GROUND. WE ALL HAD THIS EXPERIENCE AND  IT WAS MEANT TO GROW US, SHOW US AND HELP US TO LIVE AS WE ARE INTENDED AND NOT HOW OTHERS HAVE PROGRAMMED US TO LIVE. GETTING OUR VALUES IN CHECK AND TAKING EACH MOMENT IN THE MOMENT IS HOW WE WILL DO THIS. EMOTIONAL HEATH IS KEY, I FOUND THAT I JUST CAN'T FUNCTION WITH OUT IT. I HAD TO FIRST, SPEAK IT AND WRITE IT TO BELIEVE IT, BUT THEN I HAD TO EXPERIENCE AND LIVE IT TO UNDERSTAND AND HEAL IT. EVERYTHING WE'LL EVER NEED IS WITHIN AND NOT OUTSIDE OF US.

Being Kind

Treat others as you would have them treat you. It's a simple concept. But how many people really take it seriously? I'd like to think I do, however, there were moments where I wasn't the most kind person I could have possibly have been. It shows when someone is unkind to me and that uncomfortable feeling just before my blood boils happens and I feel something called hurt or pain. I mirror myself and ask: Who have I hurt? Who have I caused pain that this is showing up in my life.

When we relate to others a lot of the time we're not speaking the same language and from that results misunderstandings. For all of us to come from the same point I often forget that we're still so very different. Many are still living by the programs that were taught growing up that don't necessarily serve them now, but it's what they know. This is something that's really hard for me to see and even harder for me to allow. I cannot interfere, I can only live my truth and hope that those close to me can learn from it. Then there are those who live, experience life and find new ways to process the information. Those capable of reprogramming their perception to understand a similar situation but in a different way are able to navigate through life with a healthy well being. At least that's how it appears.

 

It has to take an immeasurable amount of energy to be intentionally unkind to someone else. I imagine that type of toxicity in the system only grows with more thoughts of how else you can hurt that person. I wonder if its really worth it to have those feelings and to act in such a way that is totally unlike who you truly are? When you have broken someones trust or someones heart or a friendship, there's really no coming back from that. You may be able to salvage a portion of that relationship, but it will never be the same. I have learned this the hard way with friends that I have lost.

What I have gained from this is insight that is helping me to move forward. The concept works whether we are aware of it or not.  Its one of the strongest laws in existence. The law of attraction. And whether you believe this or not just be kind and allow this higher vibrational energy to come back to you.

I MISS MY FRIEND

WE LIVE, LEARN AND GROW APART. WHY IS THAT? IN THE PROCESS OF BECOMING, I DID THINGS THAT WERE PROBABLY ANNOYING TO THOSE I CARE ABOUT. I KEPT DOING IT BECAUSE THEY NEVER SAID STOP OR NO OR I'M NOT INTERESTED IN THAT OR LETS JUST STICK TO THE STUFF WE HAVE IN COMMON. ANY CLUE ASIDE FROM SILENCE WOULD HAVE BEEN ALRIGHT. I NEVER NEEDED ANYONE TO WALK ON EGG SHELLS AROUND ME. PAIN GOES AWAY, BUT THE PAIN OF LOSING FRIENDS IS LIKE A SHOT TO THE HEART. SOMETIMES WHAT WE DO UNKNOWINGLY HURTS SOMEONE WE CARE ABOUT OR BREACHES A TRUST OR UNDERSTANDING.GOOD COMMUNICATION WOULD KEEP THIS FROM EVER BEING SOMETHING THAT SEPARATES YOU FROM THAT PERSON GOING FORWARD. 

WHY, IS NEVER DISCUSSED. TIME GOES BY AND THEN YOU ONLY THINK OF THEM WHEN YOU LOOK BACK. LOOKING BACK IS THE PAST. I MAY VISIT, BUT I CANT LIVE THERE. EVERYTHING THAT TELLS ME TO MOVE FORWARD IS DONE WITH A SENSE OF LOSS. WHY CANT I JUST DO WHAT I SAY? I SAY I LOVE PEOPLE FOR WHERE THEY ARE, HOW THEY ARE AND AS THEY ARE, BUT MY ACTIONS MAKE ME COME OFF AS SOME SUPER HAMSTER ON A PATH TO GREATNESS THAT MANY OF MY FRIENDS ARE NOT ON BOARD WITH. I SAY I OPERATE IN SERVICE TO OTHERS, BUT DO I REALLY? BECAUSE SOMEONE NEVER HEEDS ADVICE FROM ME, SHOULD I STOP GIVING IT? THEY DIDN'T ASK FOR IT, BUT DONT WE WANT THE BEST FOR OUR FRIENDS? SOMETIMES ITS BETTER TO JUST LISTEN TO FIND OUT HOW YOU CAN HELP. 

I CAN SAY WITH MY WHOLE HEART THAT I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT. I HAD UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS BASED ON WHERE I AM AND EXPECTING THAT EVENTUALLY THE CAPACITY FOR GROWTH WOULD KEEP US ALL CONNECTED. THIS CONFUSED ME TO NO END AND STILL DOES. WHY SHOULD IT MATTER THAT PEOPLE I LOVE ARE IN THE SAME SITUATIONS THEY CLAIM TO HATE BEING IN? WHY IS CHANGE ADAPTATION MORE DIFFICULT FOR SOME THAN OTHERS. WHAT IS THE BELIEF SYSTEM THAT SAYS ITS OK TO REMAIN THE SAME EVEN IF IT DOESN'T ALIGN WITH HOW YOU WOULD LIKE THINGS TO BE. MY BELIEF DEVELOPED TO BE: IF NOTHING CHANGES, NOTHING CHANGES. I FEEL THIS IS TRUE. I SEE IT. IT HAPPENS IN MY OWN LIFE STILL AND I SEE IT IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS I KNOW. WHAT THEN, HOW DO I SHOW I CARE? ITS NOT IMPORTANT THAT I AM RIGHT. I'M NO BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. I EAT, SLEEP, BLEED AND SHIT JUST LIKE ANY OTHER HUMAN  BEING, YET I FEEL SO DISCONNECTED FROM MANY.

I MISS MY FRIEND. I HOPE SHE KNOWS IT AND I HOPE WE CAN MOVE FORWARD BY PUTTING THE PAST TO REST. POSTING A QUOTE TO PINTEREST IS NOT GOING TO COMMUNICATE THE LOSS I FEEL FOR WHO WE WERE WHEN WE SPENT TIME. THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I KNEW WE HAD TO DO SOMETHING WE BOTH ENJOY OR WE'LL LOSE THIS: OUR FRIENDSHIP, SO COMPLICATED WHEN IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE. I WENT THROUGH THE MOST DARKEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE AND FELT I COULDN'T SHARE BECAUSE WHY? THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE THAT HAS BOTHERED ME. TO KNOW THAT I COULD HAVE LEFT THIS LIFE WITHOUT TELLING THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT THEM. ITS DISTURBING. SO WHILE I HAVE CHANGED THERE ARE STILL THINGS ABOUT ME THAT REMAIN THE SAME. HOW I COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE. NOBODY WANTS TO SOLVE A PUZZLE OR CODE TO GET WHAT I'M SAYING. THERE IS NO ONE THING I COULD SAY THAT WOULD BE UNDERSTOOD ACROSS THE BOARD. SO MANY DIFFERENT SOULS ON DIFFERENT LEVELS OF THEIR OWN LIFE PATH. ITS NOT WRONG, IT IS WHAT IT IS. HOW WE TREAT EACH OTHER IS WHAT MATTERS AND WHILE I HAVE ENDED FRIENDSHIPS IN THE PAST, I AM IN TROUBLE HERE. SHE GETS ME. HER SOUL IS AS OLD AS MINE BUT, THERE IS A MAJOR AGE GAP. NEVER STOPPED US BEFORE. WHY NOW?

I WANT THE BEST FOR HER, I JUST IMAGINED THAT I'D BE THERE TO SEE IT. THIS IS A CHOICE I WON'T MAKE WITHOUT TALKING TO HER. I NEED TO DO THAT. 12 YEARS IS A LIFETIME AND WHILE I HAVE TOOLS TO HELP ME AND HEAL MY DYSFUNCTION, I OFTEN WONDER WHERE HER HEART IS, WHAT SHE'S THINKING, FEELING OR HOW LIFE IS GOING FOR HER. I GUESS I JUST HAVEN'T ASKED OUT OF FEAR THAT SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS. IT COULD BE THAT SIMPLE OR MAYBE IT'S THAT SHE DOES, BUT IS NOT WILLING TO ASK WHAT'S GOING ON. I DON'T KNOW, BUT I RESOLVE TO FIND OUT. SHE'S FUNNY, WITTY, WHEN SHE SMILES YOU CAN FEEL IT AND WHEN SHE'S ANGRY YOU JUST WANT TO HUG HER AND LET HER KNOW THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. 

I'M ON A HEALTH AND WELLNESS JOURNEY AND THIS IS AS MUCH A PART OF IT AS FITNESS, NUTRITION, SPIRITUALITY AND ADVENTURE. ITS NO FUN BEING SURROUND BY PEOPLE YOU KNOW BUT FEEL YOU ARE THE LONELIEST PERSON ON THE PLANET. MANY HAVE CHOSEN TO LEAVE THIS LIFE FOR THAT REASON AND EVERYONE LEFT BEHIND ARE LEFT WONDERING WHY. DEPRESSION IS REAL AND IF NOT TREATED CAN BE SHOW STOPPING. REACH OUT TO SOMEONE, ANYONE AND MAKE LIFE MATTER TO YOU. FIND YOUR LIFE PURPOSE AND DON'T GIVE UP ON IT. FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY, FEEL THE DISCOMFORT OF ENTANGLEMENT AND LIVE ANYWAY, IF YOU THINK YOU CANT YOU PROBABLY WONT TRY BUT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN YOU'VE JUST ELIMINATED A LIMITING BELIEF (KUDOS) FEEL THE ANGER AND LOVE ANYWAY. BE A BEACON OF LIGHT AND EXTEND IT OUT, EVEN IF YOU FEEL THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DON'T DESERVE IT. THIS ENERGY IS WHAT HELPS OTHERS TO IMPROVE WHO THEY ARE. THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE. PRAYER IS AS POWERFUL AS INTENTION AND WITH STRENGTH LIKE THAT, FUELED BY EMOTION, NONE OF US ARE WEAK. SO AS I CRANK OUT MY DYSFUNCTION FOR THE WORLD TO SEE, THERE IS A LESSON TO BE LEARNED ON MY JOURNEY. NOW IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TIME THERE WILL EVER BE. 

H20 Can't Survive Without it!

Hey I got this from mindbodygreen daily. Although these are the thoughts and experience of the author, I wanted to pass this on.

As someone who's currently increasing her exercise, I was forgetting to increase my water intake and experienced several days of pain but when I increase my water intake guess what? The only thing left behind which was the slight ache you get when building muscle and toning. This has been my experience: Love it.

Top 10 Benefits of Drinking Water: Don't Medicate, Hydrate!

1. Increases Energy & Relieves Fatigue – Since your brain is mostly water, drinking it helps you think, focus and concentrate better and be more alert. As an added bonus, your energy levels are also boosted!

2. Promotes Weight Loss – Removes by-products of fat, reduces eating intake (by filling up your tummy if consumed prior to meals), reduces hunger (hello natural appetite suppressant!), raises your metabolism and has zero calories!

3. Flushes Out Toxins – Gets rid of waste through sweat and urination which reduces the risk of kidney stones and UTI’s (urinary tract infections).

4. Improves Skin Complexion – Moisturizes your skin, keeps it fresh, soft, glowing and smooth. Gets rid of wrinkles. It’s the best anti-aging treatment around!

5. Maintains Regularity – Aids in digestion as water is essential to digest your food and prevents constipation.

6. Boosts Immune System – A water guzzler is less likely to get sick. And who wouldn’t rather feel healthy the majority of the time? Drinking plenty of water helps fight against flu, cancer and other ailments like heart attacks.

7. Natural Headache Remedy – Helps relieve and prevent headaches (migraines & back pains too!) which are commonly caused by dehydration.

8. Prevents Cramps & Sprains - Proper hydration helps keep joints lubricated and muscles more elastic so joint pain is less likely.

9. Puts You in a Good Mood – When the body is functioning at its best, you will feel great and be happy!

10. Save Money! - Water is FREE! Even if you choose bottled/filtered water, it’s STILL cheaper than that high sugar and fat-filled latte!

Hope this helps. Have an amazing week.

24 HOURS

IT IS AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN FIT INTO 24 HOURS. ITS ALSO AMAZING HOW IN THE MOMENT CALLED "NOW", THAT EVERTHING YOU DID THAT DAY IS IN THE PAST. ARE YOU STILL WITH ME? GREAT! I HAVE LEARNED THAT TIME CAN NOT BE MANAGED, BUT I CAN MANAGE MY DAILY ACTIVITIES.

I FOUND TIME TODAY TO DO THE THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME. I INTERACTED WITH MY FAMILY, I MET WITH A FRIEND AND AGREED TO HELP HER IN HER BUSINESS,  I WORKED OUT, I CARVED OUT TIME TO TRAIN IN TWO OF MY ACTIVE BUSINESSES,  I TOOK A SHORT NAP,  I WENT TO CLASS AND I HOPPED ON A CONFERENCE CALL RIGHT AFTER. NOT AS SMOOTHE AS I WOULD PREFER, BUT EVENTFUL AND ENJOYABLE.

I WAS ENERGIZED, HOPEFUL, EXCITED AND GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY. THESE ACTIVITIES WERE LOADED,  INTENTIONAL AND CHOICES I MADE FOR MY LIFE. MANY LIVE LIKE THIS, BUT WHEN I DID THESE THINGS TODAY, IT OCCURED IN  2 STATES, A HOME, A UNIVERSITY, ON THE PHONE AND I HAVE AN ADDITIONAL 104 MILES IN TRAVEL. IM OKAY WITH THAT. I LIVE ACCORDING TO MY VALUES. I FIND ITS MORE REWARDING.